Sluagh Stuph

So cold.. his very breath froze and turned to crystal on his lips. His limbs stiff with chill..
So cold..

Im going to die here..
Not here, not now.. trust in me and I shall keep you safe.
Dear gods, im going crazy.. Im hearing voices in my head..
No, child of death, not crazy.. for you Know me. And if you trust in me I shall keep you safe..

And in the Cold Light of Truth I knew those voices.. those pieces.. Death, The Trickster, The Maiden, Mother, Crone.. those Echoes.. The Dreaming.. Arcadia spoke to it's lost childe.. and guided his feat across the wasteland.

**

It was there, above that rise.. the beginnings of the Gate. I could feel it in my Soul.. pulling me towards it. And I hid there, in the ruins, knowing I was early.. knowing that the Dream had protected me from Edward's betrayal.. knowing that it did not matter for I wouldn't be returning from what would come.

**

His fingers cramped but he held onto the Ice Sliver with all his might.. it's raw power and light the only thing keeping him alive. So much was revealed to him.. so much that was hidden by Darkness, by Shadow. So much revealed in that Cold Light.

Now he understood, he understood the terrible price he'd paid. The loss of innocence, the loss of purity, the loss of hope.

And though he could not yet see what was not written, he knew that the price was soon to come.. all depts get paid.. all knowledge has a price.

**

You know who we are, don't you?
And you know your job, don't you?
You know it all comes down to this?

But do you think they will come?

Yes, Lady, they will come.. and though I know you, and I know it is now or never, I know not my path - it is not clear.

It will be, child. It will be.

I looked around then, at the smile of the Mother - so loving, so much like my own mom's.. the laughter of the Maiden, hope and innocence incarnate.. the smirk of the Crone, so full of Wisdom.. the frown of the Maker, too busy for words.. the gaze of the King, prideful and arrogant.. the bells of the Lady of Fate, witness and teller..
Death then put his hand upon my shoulder, and I looked up and met his gaze.. only for The Trickster to put his hand on my other shoulder.. I knew then, at their unspoken challenge to eachother.. that somehow I had to choose. Was I truly Deaths Child?

**

I could feel them then.. days or months or years after I got here.. I could feel their sparks as they entered and passed through the Gate. The Fae, The Shining Host, The Shards of Shattered Dreams.. I could feel them.. and they called to my soul. The Dragon on my cheek flared to life, and in its dark flickering I found the strength to move again.

Curran and Logan the first to find me, and in their gaze I could see the frozen mess I had become.. touched by the deep.. touched by Winter's Frozen Breath.. touched by the Devastation of this place.

I couldn't cry.. the tears were already frozen inside me.

**

"He's back Sammy.. Rainian. Shay is with him over there."

Only I could feel him already, the King returned. His people and lands needed him.. this was the time of our Greatest Need. Of course he was here.

And so much of me wanted to stab him. To tear the truth from him.. to force him to answer my questions..

WHY?
Why didn't you love me enough?
Why did you leave us?

Why didn't you ever claim me as Yours, like you did Jimmy, like you did Caspian.. wasn't I ever good enough for you??

And yet, I knew with sick certainty - that there was not enough time for this.. and that I was not the center of this story. Let him be their hero, they need one.. and She deserves her light. For too long she lived with her Balance in Darkness.

**

This is my gift to you Samuel.. that you may stop my hand from claiming them. That by your will the touch of Death will be stayed.

The shout.. it was far away.. but the winds and his mark called to me.. "SAMUEL ~ we have need of you. Mordred.. come to us.. Apollo is dying."

In that moment the world stilled and I knew that he could hear me.. though none others could.. he was already half in the land of the Dead. "Is it your time Apollo? Do you wish to die?" And with clarity and knowledge in his voice he answered me mind to mind, spirit to spirit.. "No, it is not my time Samuel. Save me, please."

And so I reached out and grabbed Deaths Hand as it moved towards Apollos chest. He is not yours.. by my Gifts and Rights I stay your hand. Death smiled at me and bowed, acknowledging a Power within me that I felt coiling in the depths of my soul. I Give Him To You Then. This One Is Yours. And as I released Death's hand Apollo began to Change. There was a Light - I'm not sure the others could see it.. but I could, and I shrank from it.. finding a shadow and rushing through it to safety.

**

It is not that simple. I've only ever done that which must be done.
It is that Simple Samuel. And there were times when what had to be done was Fun. Remember the tricks you used to play.. there wasn't a bad that wasn't righted.. and then they all started turning to you.. Sam we need this.. Sam can you Name this.. Sam can you.. Sam.. Sam.. Sam.. just Choose. Him.. or Me?

The tears were my only answer to the Trickster. And I knew he wasn't lying.. He stood in the Cold Light. He couldn't. It was that simple. Just one choice.

Life.
Laughter.
Joy.

or Death.

It was that simple.
It was always that simple.

Or was it?

**

The Dream of Friendship surrounded by them all.. Shay, Curran, Logan, Dylan, Catalin and all the others.. the fae called from battlefield and wanderings.. from corners and fields.. called to sit, called to Heal.

The Dream of Friendship.. surrounded by such. And yet there was pain there. In her, in them.

And I stood outside their circle.. and none thought to invite me in.

I wanted to yell, but the dream took my voice.
I wanted to hurt them.. but more I wanted to hurt her.. Friendship.. the Great Lie.. that which hurt and wounded and made us weak. That which made us dependant on others who would only disappoint..
Jimmy..
Calli..
I could see that hurt in others eyes.. Curran.. Dylan.. Logan.. and his.. and hers.. strangers remembering lost friends, friends betrayed..

I wanted to drive the Cold Light of Truth into her Back.. and as I tried my grip on the weapon I knew.. I remembered the past.. a few years ago, but it seemed like yesterday..
The deep dreaming was a mere few steps away.. the path wandered into it, and the winds shifted and blew as I watched the scenery change before me. I knew if I walked in I wouldn't walk out. Not easily. Not soon. Possibly not ever. And yet I considered it.. this was all too much to carry.. the truth.. too painful to wield. I heard them before I saw them.. their footsteps pounding up the road in a dead run.. and they came upon me sitting their, sobbing, and they held me and whispered to me until I could speak to them.. them.. my Friends. They made the truth bearable. They made it easier to bear.

It was for them I carried this blade.
It was because of them The Cold Light of Truth was bearable./
It was them that made such light in my grip.

I felt it then, the healing wash over me.. and I knew what they would answer to her Question..

BIND THEM. Together they shouted their will to the Dream.. and in my heart and soul I answered with them.. I stood with them.

**

The ritual began the blood and power filled the air.. True Names of Power on the ground and in the air.. Circles within Circles.. Druids and Priestesses.. Avalon reunited. The King and Queen.. and their People..

And I stood outside them, knowing my time was soon.. no.. my time was upon me.

Just do it Samuel.. stab me. It'll be OK, I promise. Just Stab Me.
I.. I can't
You Can. You have to Choose Sam.. are you mine or his?
I don't know.. I just.. I don't know.
What would Jimmy and Calli say if they saw you now?
They wouldn't even recognize me.

They'd leave me. Like Jimmy did.. Like Calli did.. They'd leave, and they wouldn't come back. I grew up.. I gave up.. I did what had to be done, but I gave up on the hope and the laughter - and here stood my chance to get it all back.

The tears fell, washing away the pain.. washing away the sadness.. and I drew my arm up and bathed in the Cold Light of Truth, I struck. The blade sunk deep, and the Trickster doubled over with a smile on his lips.. and the world fell away from me.

**

It was there.. in the laughter of Jimmy and Calli.
It was there.. in the smiles of Shay and Rainian.
It was there.. in the magic of Lolly's Naming.
It was there.. It was always there.

Sometimes the greatest tricks, are the ones we play on ourselves.

**

The world fell away from me then, and I felt myself growing and growing. I felt the web of life, the interconnectedness of all things, I felt the core of truth within myself, I felt the world waiting for me.. I felt my body change.. and I knew the Truth.

Samuel Martin was dead.. sort of.

Catalin looked over from the circle, confusion evident on her face.. her lips forming the silent words "Are you ok? Is everything ok?" And I answered truthfully "I am now. And it will be."

**

She was one of mine. I knew it looking upon her.. the Cat ears and Tail marking her as Pooka.. but more than that.. her soul shined with my light. I knew not her name, but names are like Tricks - they change, they arent True.

So I walked up to her.. "Are you ok?"
"No." Her tears flowed freely and her stare was afraid and defiant, but she recognized me, and her eyes went slightly wide.
"You're mine you know."
"No im not, im no ones."
"Well.. not mine like mine, but mine. We got stuff in common. So, why the tears?"
"I dont know."
"I know"
"You do?"
"Yeah, I do. I mean I dont Know know, but I Know. Ya know?" I asked.
She looked up and a smile broke through the tears.
"I mean, I was kinda like you once."
We talked and more became clear. Her tears were for those that might not come back, her friend.. who went off to fight. So I called Death over and I struck a Deal with Him. If he claimed her friend, she'd get to talk to him.. and if not, I'd make sure lifes little tricks made sure they found eachother again.
I noticed the bell around her neck.. and I wrang it.
"So you know how you knew you didn't know?" I asked.. She nodded slightly. "Well, ring that bell and you can help others know what they don't know. They wont know what they Should do, or where they Should go.. but they will know where they *shouldn't*, and trust me - sometimes that's enough to get you through."

**

The two of them looked lost.. childlings on the verge of losing hope.. on the verge of losing laughter.. and I felt it, the pain of growing up.. and I knew I could slow it down a bit for them.. help them remember..

"I want balloons." she grinned..
"OK, what color?"
"Purple" we both said simultaneously. "I meant Rainbow." She grinned.
"I know." And with a snap of my fingers 7 rainbow balloons appeared to follow her around.
Her friend smiled, but still wasn't convinced of the fun in this..
"And for you.. I've got something special." Now I had her attention..
"For you, you get the power of pantsing. Five times you can de-pants someone with a wink."
"Only Five?" She pouted. "Yup. Im kinda new at this." And then I grinned. "But when you go out into the world, and you de-pants people there.." The girls snickered.. so close to growing up they were.. "Wink. And for a moment, not too long.. think of me."

I think I was gettin the hang of this.

**

I reunited with them then.. the Shards.. my Friends..

"He's mine you know. Every smile, every laugh, every mischevious act.. and remember to smile when you punish him. Remember to go easy on him. Remember to tell him you love him no matter what. And remember, I may not be around - I think Im gonna be pretty busy, cus in some legends I helped make the sun and the world.. and well, theres world making to do.. so yeah, I may not be around - but I'll be watching."

There was so much more to say to them.. but they Knew.. and I Knew they Knew. So none of us bothered.

**

"You killed Vanyana.. why?"
Shariel looked up at me with a few others.. accusation, confusion, worry in his gaze.. and they all melted to shock when he realized I was both the childe he remembered and I was so much more now.
"I did.. and because I had to."
"But.. Why? Why was her death nescessary? Will you tell us?"
"I will."

And with that I smiled as the Dreaming released them all back to the Autumn.. Oh. I will.. but not today.

**

Some of them went home..
Some of them were home..
Some of them would never go home again.

**

I've had many names.
Some are mostly of the Light.. Some are mostly of the Darkness..
Raven, Coyote, Spider..
Anansi, Veles..
Loki, Kokopelli.. and so many others..

I forgot.
But I remember now.

I think though, that I shall most fondly remember the lessons learned when I tricked myself and the world into thinking I was but a boy named Samuel.

***

ooc : its been an *amazing* run, I hope I caught *some* of the magic that went on for me at ICC and during the chronicle with this PC. Samuel is what kept me in the cam for so long, and its through the changeling players that i've found some of my closest friends in the cam. So here's to stories told, the tragic, the beautiful, the epic.. here's to friendships made and hope found. Here's to worlds saved and the Dream. May the lessons of Arcadia and the stories we helped tell remind us of what really matters. - Chris Rhodes US2003041486

Play List

"Play Me" (reference to the movie "SAW")

Something Wicked This Way Comes
Bring Me To Life
A Secret Place
Weak
Down With The Sickness
Du Hast
Disposable Teens
I Fucking Hate You
Everything I Touch
Tourniquet
Save Yourself
Blue Monday
Hedonism
Heaven's A Lie
Zombie
Im Only Happy When It Rains




Thank you kennifur for posting the last song in reference to Sam.. i kept turning songs over n over n over again until i actually built the compilation CD.. *wink*

OOC : Please note there is no way for your PC to know this.. and the 3 pcs mentioned will only have vague memories of what happened due to the mists.

It was early and Sam's mother kissed him on the cheek as she ran out the door to work. Leaving a check for Lilly and a note on the table thanking her fo her alst minute rescheduling and volunteering to take Samuel Trick or Treating.

Sam smiled a dark smile as she left.. and then he called upon the Wyrd.

The Shadows shifted slightly and the lights in the apartment dimmed a bit as this child now looked to be a walking Zombie. His flesh beginning to rot and his eyes.. sunken.. and possessing a soul so old.. so dark.. so hungry.. that those who gazed upon him forgot how cute he was and shivered as their brains tried to make sense of the surrealness of the juxtaposition.

Sam heard her coming up the steps and just as Lilly reached for the doorbell Samuel opened the door for her. Taking a half step back he made room for Lilly to enter as he bowed deeply and whispered.. "Welcome to my home Miss Lilly, on this most special and sacred of nights." Her eyes widened slightly as she looked at Sam's 'costume'.

"Thank you Master Samuel, it is always a pleasure to see you.. and I am honored that you chose to spend tonight with Billy and I. An interesting choice of Costume you have made this year.." a slightly sickly smile danced across her face for a moment.

"I did not feel like hiding who I was this year.. and I have plans.. plans for those children that take this sacred night and use it as an excuse to raise havok and forget that this night is to placate the Beloved Dead - and not to Toss Eggs at your neighbors house."

Lilly grimaced and then grinned at Samuel

"Then we shall follow your lead this eve, Master Samuel. Billy is excited with the prospect of Frightening alongside us tonight."

Lilly placed a quick phone call to Billy and he arrived in but a few minutes.

They discussed their plan for the night and Samuel cast Hidden Form on the three of them.. as their night of Frightening commenced.

Children who misbehaved felt watched.. felt their clothing tugged upon.. felt the breath of someone on the back of their neck.. they heard footsteps and whispers.. and Fear crept into their hearts.

And then he appeared..

one that resembled the boy of old.. with a similiar wicked laugh he was not just content with eggs and toilet paper.. this child hurled rocks at windows.. and took his baseball bat to cars or mailboxes.

Samuel hissed.. "He is mine.."

They followed the young teen home and Samuel crept into his house. Billy and Lilly stood outside and began tapping on his windowsill.. while sam would step on a creaky floor board.

It seemed as if the very house came alive.. as the creatures and monsters of the night awoke at the witching hour.

The boy lay in bed and the sluagh could hear his heartbeat quicken.. though calm on the outside.. they knew they would win this night.. they knew that his Fear would be deep.. and they would drink from it.

Sam walked with heavy step down the hallway to the boys closed door and knocked thrice upon it. The boy sat straight up in bed and cried out "Who's there??" He gathered the covers closer about him and stared at the door.. jumping startled as their was a tap-tapping at his window again.

Shaking his head and chuckling softly he lay back down, thinking he imagined it.. utnil Sam did it again.. heavier steps and quicker this time.. followed by a more forceful knock..

The child crept out of bed and listened carefully.. not hearing anything he opened the door a fraction. Sam, still hidden from peering eyes.. took that moment to push the door open causing the boy to stumble back.. terror etched into his face and fear beginning to pulse through his veins.

He looked around desperately but saw no one there, saw nothing in the hall.. and so he sat deathly still, holding his breath.. and Sam stepped heavy again.. the boy made a whimpering sound.. for he knew something unseen stalked him this night..

And it was then that Samuel whispered.. and the sounds of a dying childs last words carried to the boys ears.. "I was once like you.. rebellious.. uncaring.. trouble.. I made others hurt so I could laugh. I saw what you did tonight child. Saw the windows you broke, the boxes you smashed.. I heard your laughter and it called me back.. called me back from the lands of the Dead."

The fear poured off the boy..

"Know this child.. know that your actions have called our attention to you.. and should you ever committ a wrong again.. should you misbehave, disobey, destroy.. Know that the Sluagh are watching you. Know that the old myths are not all dead.. and know that we will claim your soul."

As the boys eyes grew their widest Samuel dropped his hidden form and appeared in front of the boy. With a snap of his fingers a lightning flash illuminated his features perfectly.. his rotting flesh.. his ancient eyes.. the hunger held in check.. the boy screamed and passed out as Samuel took a step forward with a dark and starving smile on his lips.

Samuel drank deeply of the childs terror.. still prevalent in the room.. sickly.. sweet. He smiled wickedly as he once again faded from view as he noticed a shock of white hair on the boys temple..

The Mark of the terrors that the sluagh bring.

They hurried about, and for once there was no arguing.. the laughter would start and suddenly stop as they realized once again that a Fight was coming.

Del's house was busy and cramped full with dreams of war.. The young Sluagh could barely find a space unoccupied by a person or a Dream.

And it was then that Fate's cruel hand reached out and sent a shiver down their backs.. looking around he knew that everyone felt it.. the Dreaming held its breath.. and the Seers knew that Death rode on this exhalation.

He was not exempt from that seeing..

Turn back now.. or risk your life.

And yet he could not leave.. not now.. not over this. He was a Seer of this Kingdom.. the Last of the First and the First of the Last. Chosen by Fate to bear this burden.. Chosen by Death to Speak.

And Speak for Death he would.

He would watch Del carefully.. and make sure that she did not overtax herself too much.. and he would watch those that she cared for and he would ensure that Death got his due.

He loved the library at sunset.. the harsh light coming through the slitted windows.. the shadows deepening between the stacks. Twas there, in the heart of the great beast he felt most at home.. surrounded by books.. by fact and fiction.. by truth and tale.

And yet, Something was wrong.

And yet this walk was different then most.. he was walking off steam. His dreamers just wouldn't sit still.. they were angry and in violent moods. Their dark glares rivaled some of the redcap half bloods he knew. Something wasn't right. He was teaching them to be bullies.. but he was teaching them to be smart about it.. ways to prank and trick and hurt without being caught. And yet today all they wanted to do was hit things.. talk about hitting things.. and hit eachother.

For a moment there he thought they were gonna come across the table at him.. and yet.. and yet their glamour was still strong. It was like a sugar high.. all sickly sweet in its richness..

And yet, Something was still wrong.

The note sat in his pocket.. the poem amazingly well written. The glamour of it holding him steady, keeping him grounded. Somewhere in those words was the secret to that spell.. a cryptic warning.

Gods he was curious about it though. He talked to the papers and memorized their true words. Maybe Edward and Del would have a better answer.. but.. but Edward isn't really to be trusted. He lied and betrayed us to the court.

The fates were silent on the matter. And if only he was better at Soothsay.. perhaps he could prod them into speaking.

And yet, Something was still wrong.

The fomorians had a foothold in MA apparently. This weekend would bring fighting.. some would die..

He had packed his bag and readied his spell components. Del said she could use the help and so it was to her house he would go.

And yet, Something was still wrong.

I speak for death now.

He tried to claim me.. or his representative did.. The Baron. The Dream of the Cemetery Loa..

Im reading about him now.. him and the other Orishas.. the loa.. the spirits.

And im now sworn to the freehold.. and we changed its name.. its now:
The Statehouse Motley.. The Freehold Of DEATH!

We thought it was amusing and apparently so did Death, cus he sent me a skull. Its cute, but im not sure what it does yet.. Hmm.. I guess Ill find out.

Edward thinks i have too much pride. But he also says Im a lot like him..

I dont get it.. this stuff is stuff im good at.. i have a great memory.. and im good at magick and i know stuff.. i dont try to brag about it.. and i shut up when the adults dont want to hear it.. my manners have gotten better and im learning more about the kiths, my kith.. and stuff..

he sees so much.. why doesnt he see why i act the way i do?

I dunno.

Mark brought a friend.. Tim. Tim's cool.. hes weird, even by my standards.. but hey.. his dreams taste good too.. so i guess ill let Mark keep bringing him around. God those two are gonna be scary together.. thanks to me.

My Mom is taking me on vacation for School Break this week.

We fly home on the 8th.

Yeh.. I said fly.
*grin*
We leave for the airport in a few minutes..

I'm goin to Hibernia.. I mean Ireland.

Dont worry.. Its been taken care of.. I won't be near the fighting or anything.

::the darkness set in his dreams as the young boy lay in bed falling asleep once again listening to the sounds of the neighborhood outside.. he sore for a moment before nodding off that he heard the soft tinkling of breaking glass again.. a sound that seemed to haunt the edges of his last waking moments now. Quickly as sleep claimed him, the tinkling glass resolved itself into a sinister lullaby::

Hush, Child,
The darkness will rise from the deep
and carry you down into sleep
Child, the darkness will rise from the deep
and carry you down into sleep

Guile Son,
I'll shape your belief
And you'll always know your father's a thief
And you won't understand the cause of your frief
But you'll always follow the voices beneath

::memories of his father shot through his dreams.. his mother, bruised and broken.. the anger on his face as the judge awarded his mother custody.. the station wagon packed with all his belongings.. the sound of his footsteps in the hall.. his voice rising with anger uncontrolled..::

Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty
Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Only to me

Guile Son,
Your spirit will hate her
The flower who married my brother the traitor
And you will expose his puppet behaviour
For you are the proof of how we betrayed her

::memories of Del.. the flowers she held in her white gloves on her wedding day.. the faces of friends and loved ones at her wedding.. Jimmy.. Billy.. Rainian.. flashed through his head as something inside twisted at what was once a happy memory seemed to cloud with a darker forboding - as the song of tinkling glass continued in his dark dreams::

Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty
Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Only to me

Hush, Child,
The darkness will rise from the deep
and carry you down into sleep
Child, the darkness will rise from the deep
and carry you down into sleep

Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty
Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Only to me

Guile Son,
Each day you grow older
Each moment I'm watching my vengeance unfold
For the child of my body, the flesh of my soul
Will die in returning the birthright he stole

::memories of him swearing vengeance upon his father.. of swearing to protect the ones he loved.. of the hurt he has already caused those he cares about.. the pleasure that he felt when he frightened Caspian, when he hit him.. the conversation with Billy.. the anger and hatred within.. the darkness that no longer shines in his eyes, for now it hides within his heart..::

Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty
Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Only to me

Hush, Child,
The darkness will rise from the deep
and carry you down into sleep
Child, the darkness will rise from the deep
and carry you down into sleep

::the words fade back into the sound of glass shattering, softly tinkling as the young boy relaxes as the nightmare fades to black::

Jimmy if you're reading this ... I miss you.

I dont understand whats going on. Del and Caspy both say that he's back and that he's ok.. but he hasn't called me. He hasn't talked to me. He hasn't written to me.

Is it something I did?

::He slept soundly this night, though his mother feared it was more out of exhaustion than out of any desire to actually sleep. He still had not talked to her, only whispered responses half thought out and half finished. Something was wrong, she knew not what. She managed to piece together something about Jimmy being gone as he had cried out for him more than once in his restless sleep the night before.::

::Shutting the door she left her son to face a darkness she would never be capable of understanding...

The Nockernet filled his dreamscape.. and images of Corwin's death rolled across it.. then Samael, friend and confidant hurled angry words at the fae of concordia.. fae which he was a part of. Guilt settled on his soul like a well worn blanket - comfortable, but threadbare. And then the argument with Doyle and Rainian..

Rainian.. who was supposed to be finding Jimmy.. now going off to War. Donning armor in his hold - aided by his chimerical pages..

It could only mean one thing.. Rai gave up the search. Jimmy is gone, and none are able or willing to find him. Rainian Paendrag ap Gwydion would rather fight a war because some redcap challenged him than find the missing pooka childling that once thought of him as a father figure..

the whispers started then.. the whispers only heard by one other person.. a chimera, barely finding foothold in this world, but learning.. and drawing ever closer to this young boy wrapped in darkness and dream.

'NO.. rai don't go.. don't leave. Not you too..'

Somewhere inside him part of him expected this..::